On the move!

I can feel change around the corner. Its brewing and bubbling inside me. I can feel this passion elevating and its taking me somewhere. I'm frightened while excited. It's about time for a change. This waiting stage is usually hollow and frustrating. Right now I feel an adrenaline and a readiness like I am imagine it would be before going into battle. It's like I have a boner for life and I'm so about to get laid. Yeah, that's adequate.

My frustration with Starbucks has been compounded this week. I am hating it. I had a big talk with my boss today about the things that are frustrating me. She can tell I'm not happy. Shes going to work for changing some of them because she agrees. I heard that the WSPA is a proft organisation and figured if I want to work for them I may aswell stay at Starbucks. I've had enough bullshit. I joined Greenpeace the other day. It was something that I've wanted to do for a while and the timing was appropriate. I was chatting to the guy and he said that Greenpeace is non profit and always hiring and gave me a number to call. I'm so there. They open tomorrow so I'm going to give them a call and see what's happening and see if I can't scoot my way in there. It's the first time entering a job where I feel like I will be genuinly bummed if I don't get it. I've finally realised what I want to be doing more than anyone else, and I now can't imagine doing anything else. I especially can't imagine myself getting back into hospitality. It's like working in filth.

I want to be helping the world to be better. I'm aware that that sounds corny. There's nothign else I can imagine being more productive, stimulating and passionate. Just the thought of fighting for the things I believe in along side people who share my engagement with life, it just fills me up thinking about it. Fuck being a musician. Sure, I will always be a musician, but now no part of me sees myself doing it as a profession. I just simply cannot see myself not doing this. I feel like it's the direction I'm born to take, and thats so satisfying. If not this specific one then something in this general idea. Ive been unsure for a long time, thinking I should be certain ways and not other certain ways. So to feel this clear headed about it is bringing me much joy.

I feel withdrawn. It's strange, it's in a way that is entirely focused on taking myself to the next step. I feel independt and strong. I feel like I'm fighting for my life. If I stay with what I'm doing day in and day out, part of me will sure enough die. It's a motivation I haven't felt before and this fuel, this fire beneath my feet feels amazing.