Good times.

I feel very happy today. It's like Bex has popped back in for a visit. Hoping she sticks around from now. I feel like I have in sight the life I want to be living, and it's attainable. I've spent the last two hours reading, and its been lovely. Peacefully lying in my clean room, incense, a bottle of water. Just lovely! Kingsland has been quiet for me. Tomorrow I'm trying for my transfer to the New Lynn store. I'm hoping that everything happens quickly, and I can move soon. After work I'm going for a run I hope will be cathartic. Then later dinner with Eoin. I'm going to try for cello lessons as soon as I can. Since there's no real reason why I can't start them now. I want to read more, and walk more, to be around people more. I miss being inspired by life itself and feeling creativity ooze through me. At the moment I feel like I survive simply in a minute. A minute that feels everlasting. If happiness, if sadness. It seems permanant. I want to find a home and make it mine. To have my things and comfort waiting for me. To find myself away from dispair I seem to have attatched myself to.

For a while I thought that I didn't deserve a happiness that was coming to me, that I would always be opressed and things would always be hard or only just bearable. Why must I live a life that way? I can choose. For the first time in a long time, today I feel inspired to choose.