Runny Greenpaeces.

I had my interview with Greenpeace yesterday. They asked me three times if I was applying for Door to Door, or On the Streets. I told them all three times that I was looking for On the Streets.
During the interview I had to approach people on the street and get them to evaluate my performance, and then I had to do two lots of roleplay with the interviewers, of meeting them on the street and overcoming their obstacles to do with avoiding donating money.

One hour later.

"Well, I'm sorry we don't have any positions going for On the Streets at the moment, but you did really well, especially in your role play so we'd like to offer you Door to Door"

I declined. Atleast I'm good at roleplay.

The idea of trapsing onto people's property makes me feel so uncomfortable. That is so rude. Also, if they had nothing going, why bother interviewing me. They were unorganised, and less that approachable people, as you would think Greenpeacers would be. They're going to get back to me about upcoming availabilities. I'm still going to decline. Fuck it!

Turned out okay though, I went to Okra, a cafe about 5 minute walk from my flat, to cheer myself up. The barista there remembered me coming in a couple of months ago and asked me if I had found a job yet. I said no and asked if there was anything going. His manager overheard, and asked me some questions about experience and stuff and then took down my details. She said that she had some shifts coming up in a couple of weeks and that I should come down to see her.

I am so there! It's a really lovely cafe with great standards, the people are cool also. I would save money on transport. As in, all of it. It would get me out of Starbucks, the wage would be better, and I could still look for more stimulating work outside of hospitality. I think it sounds really good. I just hope they end up wanting me. I would enjoy that.

Words that I have

It's not that someone clipped your wings.
More alike to lathering them in mud.
A voluntary act.
Agendas to make one curious.
Now with wings so heavy,
you lay before me limp.
I stand the saddest witness,
no one likes to see an eagle fall.
I turn with your trend,
and claim a heavy heart.
Though not mud covered,
something less clear,
not transparent.
I am before you throwing water
in looks and thoughts of mine.
I wish to cleanse you,
to have you back,
and watch you fly.
I have seen you in your glory,
You wings spread and shining.
The amazement that you bring me,
you tuck inside your wing.
Why do you fold it so,
and hide everything.
The eagle with the pigs.
Although rumours insist,
no, they do not fly.

Brewing

A room that is cluttered,
empty and my own.
The days have faded
and my conscience grown.

I think of you and always,
sullen I seem.
When all I have is wonder,
without the bliss of dream.

You find yourself without me
in a house that often creaks.
She has a wilted manner,
and words she inwardly speaks.

You still continue to rattle,
shake and recede.
Without her as your leaning post,
you can only plead.

"Take me and behold,
the things I have for you.
Mirrors and falsities,
things seldom true"

I have but one direction
Today, you may see.
The thing I truely want from you,
is for you to set me free.

Eeeeeee!!!!

I have a job interview on Friday with Greenpeace. So excited. I'm feeling a little unsure about it. I'm confident in my abilities but not with whether I'm going to enjoy this specific job. But still, I believe its going to be a step up from Starbucks and having a change and new challenge is going to be really beneficial. I'm also glad that I'm sure of what I want to be doing with myself. Good times ensue, and I'm very very excited. Plus, it's more money. Cello lessons, perhaps?

Feeling really strange and detatched from a lot of things at the moment. I feel very much in my own head and for once it's really positive. I feel focused. I feel sure of myself. It's a really brilliant feeling to be so stimulated by living again. I worry though. I don't want to end up making myself a complete loner. I need to be careful and remember to keep the people I care about close to me. I keep feeling like I have to make excuses to not see people. I have no idea why. People invite me to do things and I just don't want to. I ask myself whether I have issues with seeing the people who are inviting me places, and I don't. I don't know what my problem is. I'm having less faith in the people I'm meeting. I feel like I'm just meeting assholes over and over and over, but in contrast, I'm feeling very at peace with humanity. Intersting. I think time will be revealing, and changes will scratch away at dead skin.

On the move!

I can feel change around the corner. Its brewing and bubbling inside me. I can feel this passion elevating and its taking me somewhere. I'm frightened while excited. It's about time for a change. This waiting stage is usually hollow and frustrating. Right now I feel an adrenaline and a readiness like I am imagine it would be before going into battle. It's like I have a boner for life and I'm so about to get laid. Yeah, that's adequate.

My frustration with Starbucks has been compounded this week. I am hating it. I had a big talk with my boss today about the things that are frustrating me. She can tell I'm not happy. Shes going to work for changing some of them because she agrees. I heard that the WSPA is a proft organisation and figured if I want to work for them I may aswell stay at Starbucks. I've had enough bullshit. I joined Greenpeace the other day. It was something that I've wanted to do for a while and the timing was appropriate. I was chatting to the guy and he said that Greenpeace is non profit and always hiring and gave me a number to call. I'm so there. They open tomorrow so I'm going to give them a call and see what's happening and see if I can't scoot my way in there. It's the first time entering a job where I feel like I will be genuinly bummed if I don't get it. I've finally realised what I want to be doing more than anyone else, and I now can't imagine doing anything else. I especially can't imagine myself getting back into hospitality. It's like working in filth.

I want to be helping the world to be better. I'm aware that that sounds corny. There's nothign else I can imagine being more productive, stimulating and passionate. Just the thought of fighting for the things I believe in along side people who share my engagement with life, it just fills me up thinking about it. Fuck being a musician. Sure, I will always be a musician, but now no part of me sees myself doing it as a profession. I just simply cannot see myself not doing this. I feel like it's the direction I'm born to take, and thats so satisfying. If not this specific one then something in this general idea. Ive been unsure for a long time, thinking I should be certain ways and not other certain ways. So to feel this clear headed about it is bringing me much joy.

I feel withdrawn. It's strange, it's in a way that is entirely focused on taking myself to the next step. I feel independt and strong. I feel like I'm fighting for my life. If I stay with what I'm doing day in and day out, part of me will sure enough die. It's a motivation I haven't felt before and this fuel, this fire beneath my feet feels amazing.